CW: Sexual Assault
At Women’s Health Clinic, we have been blown away by the power of the #metoo movement. But we also recognize that this falls on sexual assault survivors, once again, to bear the emotional labour that shouldn’t be yours to carry.
If you choose to share your experience, we believe you.
If you do not speak, we support you.
The following are words from a childhood sexual assault survivor.
If I change my status to #metoo, what will change….other than my status?
Anything? Anything at all…other than a reminder of something that I wish I could cut out of my memory and burn for all eternity?
Will the people in this world who don’t believe that it happens look at this ‘me too’ and change? Take action? Or will they play devils advocate. Because please, just don’t. Don’t defend anything. The people who write ‘me too’ don’t need a reason to explain what happened to them. We spend most of our lives trying to live with the knowledge that it did.
Will more people report it? Will you write ‘me too’ and then report why ‘you too’?
Will those who don’t believe it happens recognize the difficulty in writing ‘me too’? I vomited while writing this status. Yes, that’s what it does. And so much more. But I won’t hide the horrors of the world, nor should you. I’d rather vomit and be honest than live in the darkness any longer.
Will the police believe me now? Will people start telling the truth? Will victims services believe me? Will our justice system give a shit about #metoo?
Will it only serve to be used against me in the future by the demons of this world?
Will #metoo cause anyone to admit to inaction, negligence, ignorance, responsibility or fear of being associated to the truth, the raw truth of ‘me too’? Will I be labeled as something because I wrote ‘me too’? I am human. That’s all. Don’t label me as something because of ‘me too’. It is the last thing on Earth I want to define me.
Other than remembering what we wish we could forget and giving ourselves yet another reason to feel broken by this world…other than that, why are we writing ‘me too’? Awareness? Because if you can write it, you’re well aware of it. What happens next?
I am writing this status not for me because I’ve tried, I know the battle and live in the storm. I don’t need a status to help me admit to my own life. I write ‘me too’ as a vow that the little girl growing inside me will never, ever know the words ‘me too’ in this context. Never, so long as I live and breathe, will I stop protecting her from the inconceivable loss and suffering behind these words.
She will be able to write ‘not me, not ever’.